Rita Cheng Returns to SIU


Cheng with Shaman Mendoza

Rita Cheng has returned to SIU.

Cheng left SIU Carbondale in July 2014 to become president at Northern Arizona University but after a controversial trip to Peru, NAU has reportedly declined to honor that contract.

Reports are still coming in but what is clear is that former Chancellor Cheng took a vacation in Peru after leaving SIU, some saying that Cheng spent an impromptu extended period of time in an ayahuasca commune.

“These accusations are completely misinformed” reports Chancellor Cheng’s attorney Hugh G. Dumas. “Cheng’s trip to Peru included a trip to a coffee plantation; everyone knows that Mrs. Cheng loves her coffee.”

Alfredo Flores, the owner of the so-called coffee plantation, confirms that “coffee was just one aspect of the business. It is in fact an ayahuasca commune that, under a trained shaman, promises the participant to reach the highest levels of spiritual enlightenment.”

Former Chancellor Cheng’s response to the DMT influenced meditation resulted in her disappearance for three months. When she resurfaced, Cheng arrived via private jet at NAU with 30 Peruvians requesting student housing for her “enlightened brethren.”

An official report from NAU states that “NAU has elected to release President Cheng after a bonfire held in the administrative office that resulted in the Fire Department putting out several small fires and, according to one report, a campus security guard realizing that “all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.”

President Dunn was the first to find Former Chancellor Cheng on SIU’s campus. “She was camped out in front of her former office with several people dressed in potato sacks, smelling like patchouli oil and burnt hair.” While Cheng awaits the Board of Trustee’s decision for the Chancellor search committee, she has enrolled as a graduate student for Fall 2015 Classes.

“I just want to take this opportunity to pursue my real passion: teaching English as a Second Language. Until then, my fellow brothers and sisters have started collecting signatures for an RSO we will call ‘Friends of DMT.'” Cheng and her followers have collected over a thousand signatures so far.

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