Governor Rauner Issues Executive “Psych”

Springfield, IL – Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner stunned the electorate on Tuesday by issuing, what he called, an executive “psych.”  Sources close to the Governor claimed he had something akin to a religious conversion.  Speaking to reporters at a press conference in the capitol rotunda late Tuesday afternoon, the Governor said, “PSYCH!  Ha, ha, you idiots.  Did you really think I have the audacity to throw children in poverty out of government subsidized childcare?  Y’all must have really thought I was an asshole.”  Said David Yepsen of the Paul Simon Public Policy Institute, “Needless to say we’re relieved.  I think the Governor’s sense of humor, while timed impeccably, was a little – how do I say? – crass.”  In the accompanying press release, titled “Psych!”, the Governor offered details of how he would support the generation of new revenue with targeted tax hikes of the upper 1% of income earners in Illinois.

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