Governor Rauner Issues Executive “Psych”
April 1, 2015
Springfield, IL – Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner stunned the electorate on Tuesday by issuing, what he called, an executive “psych.” Sources close to the Governor claimed he had something akin to a religious conversion. Speaking to reporters at a press conference in the capitol rotunda late Tuesday afternoon, the Governor said, “PSYCH! Ha, ha, you idiots. Did you really think I have the audacity to throw children in poverty out of government subsidized childcare? Y’all must have really thought I was an asshole.” Said David Yepsen of the Paul Simon Public Policy Institute, “Needless to say we’re relieved. I think the Governor’s sense of humor, while timed impeccably, was a little – how do I say? – crass.” In the accompanying press release, titled “Psych!”, the Governor offered details of how he would support the generation of new revenue with targeted tax hikes of the upper 1% of income earners in Illinois.